Curhat : Hope for the best

2 minggu belakangan ini mungkin menjadi minggu ter-apes buat gue. 

Pertama dikejutkan dengan ujian Matematika yang SANGAT BERBEDA JAUH DARI SOAL UAS TAHUN LALU. Ternyata hal yang sama pun terjadi dengan ujian Fisika Statika yang berlangsung kemarin. 

Hal konyol pun terjadi pagi ini sewaktu ujian Material Teknik. Ujian openbook ini ternyata tidak semudah kedengarannya. Kenapa? KARENA GUE SEMPET – SEMPETNYA SALAH NYALIN JAWABAN. Ini sih judulnya, “Closebook salah, giliran dikasih openbook eh sama aja engga becus.”

 

Setelah itu tadi sore ban sempet bocor, padahal lagi nganterin temen gereja. Untung aja ban sekitar leher pompa-nya kaga robek seperti yang sudah – sudah, bersyukur gak perlu ganti ban baru. Walaupun begitu gue harus muter – muter mencari tukang tambal ban dengan kondisi menggandeng motor dan temen gerejaku bertugas megangin helm.

Lanjut, malam ini rencananya mau melepas penat dengan teman kosan, maka kita main PES bareng. Tapi waktu main pun si apes ini sepertinya gak lepas – lepas. Gue jadi kalah terus, padahal biasanya engga begini, sungguh.

Dibalik masa – masa apes yang gue alami, gue justru melihat perspektif lain sembari menulis tulisan ini. Apakah mungkin ini efek dari Natal yang dirayakan tidak bersama keluarga? Jawabannya sudah pasti bukan karena enggak masuk akal.

Tapi jujur, memang berat untuk merayakan natal tanpa keluarga. Selama 18 tahun hidup, gue selalu merayakan natal bersama keluarga. Tapi kali ini merupakan natal yang begitu spesial, sehingga gue harus bertahan di Jogja untuk menanti waktu – waktu uas yang jadwalnya bikin orang gereget. Gimana kaga gereget, masa dari 15 desember – 7 januari gue gak bisa balik ke Bandung karena jadwal ujian yang hanya diadakan setiap hari SENIN SELASA, sedangkan hari – hari sisanya kosong melompong?

Ya karena hal ini pula, gue harus rela untuk melepaskan impian untuk merayakan ulang tahun dan tahun baru 2015 bersama keluarga. Jadi curhat aja (siapa tau dikasih kado sama kalian), ulang tahun gue itu besok, tanggal 31 Desember. Sehari sebelum adik gue ulang tahun, yaitu 1 Januari. Ajib memang tanggal lahir adik gue bisa sama dengan tanggal tahun baru.

Mungkin mulai saat ini orang – orang mulai sibuk untuk membuat Resolusi 2015. Entah mengapa gue belum kepikiran. Terbesit beberapa target yang ingin gue raih. Tapi entah mengapa, rasanya gue sama sekali gak terlalu excited dengan pergantian tahun ini, it seems flat for me. Mungkin karena gue masih harus menyelesaikan beberapa ujian lagi. Suasana yang seharusnya suasana liburan ini gak begitu terasa untuk gue. Apakah selepas ujian ini gue menjadi excited dengan tahun 2015? Gue juga gak berani jamin. Semoga iya, karena kenyataannya hidup terus berjalan. Just hope for the best for me.

Unexpected Recall

Have you ever had a bad dream? It happened to me last night. Actually it was not a scary one. However, I enjoyed this dream for a while. Until I realized that this dream was the beginning of a disaster. I dreamt about my ex girlfriend. 

Before the dream, I saw her photo tagged in my friend’s instagram. She was in a photo studio with her friends, wearing lab coat as the dresscode. I admired the picture for a while. Her sweet smile captivated me. I felt happy for her. I am proud she can fulfill her dream to be a dentist, because currently she is studying dentistry in one of the public universities in Indonesia. Some seconds after, flashbacks about her came into my head. I immediately closed the application before any other flashbacks to come.

I did not expected that this picture could be a trigger for a dream. I did not remember clearly about the detail btw, but I will give the summary.

I was in a building (kinda in a university) with some friends. Then she came up from stairs. We starred each other for a while. I did not see any facial expression from her face. I did not have any guts to greet her at that time. Then she continued to walk towards classroom. We were in the same classroom at that time.

After the class, she suddenly poked me from behind. She asked me to be her math tutor. I agreed and I started to teach her. 

*Then the dream was skipped into the following part*

I was riding a motorcycle and she was right behind me. We had a delightful chit chat with laughs. I enjoyed this moment a lot. She also touched my cheek and said, “Wow now your cheek is not as smooth as in the junior high.” Finally, we arrived at her place, she got off from the bike and saying goodbye with that super sweet smile. 

I woke up and still felt the satisfaction from the dream. But, the satisfaction was degrading slowly. I began to be realistic. I broke up with her 5 years ago. Currently, she’s already in another relationship and I’m still single.

I didn’t miss her personaly, I just missed about the figure. I missed the figure who I love, trust, and can do silly things together with. Until now, I have not found that figure yet. 

This was the part where disaster happened. I compared myself with others. People in a relationship seemed much more happier than me. And I began craving for “someone”. Then, I tried to find the proper candidates based on my criteria. It sounds silly, but I did. Moreover, I began to consider about the candidates’ profile. Until one point, I realized that I was not in the same situation with any of the candidates. It seemed impossible for me to get one of them at this time. Finally, I compared myself, comparing me in the past and me in present. And the impact from my stupid way of thinking was :

My current life is sucks, I need to find a girlfriend immidiately because it is delightful to be loved with someone. But after I did some research, I did not find anyone. Why? Just why?

In the middle of the situation, three words crossed into my mind. Guard your heart.

Those three words seemed farmiliar in one of the bible verses. Then I tried to search and finally found it. It was from Proverbs 4 : 23

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (NIV)

This verse opened my mind. I began to cross-check what did I do in life. Honestly, this week I did left my heart unguarded. I realized I was wrong. It was a kind of self-pity. I complained a lot about my current situation. I did a misconception about a relationship. I was not fully grateful with my life. I didn’t rely on God’s power, I rather relied on my own power which is limited. I did not respect God’s time.

From now on, I don’t want to create an imagination about “how life should be” in my own version. I don’t want ego to conquer me. I also learn not to have a self-pity. From the dream, I learn how to move on. Now I am facing a new situation and all I have to do is to live life to the fullest. I don’t let myself to live in the past. At last, I don’t want to leave my heart unguarded anymore. When self-pity come, I try not to confirm and let myself drown into some stupid assumption. I will say to my super-evil mind, “I have God and His Plan is bigger than you think! Bad times may come, but there must be an end! There must be a shimmering light on the other side of a dark tunnel. All you have to do is to run and believe!”

Stepping Stone

Hii guys, it’s me again, writing at 4 A.M. It is rainy outside. I don’t know why I woke up this early. But, it doesn’t matter. I have to go to church at 7 anyway.

The story begun when I was on a trip to Bukit Bintang (in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, not the one in Malaysia btw). There were seven people including me, two boys (I and Yana) and five girls (Devi, Mercy, Vika, Vivi and Vivi Sumi). We had a chit-chat along the way and at a point we discussed about age. 

FYI, I supposed to be in batch 2013. But I decided to move to another university and another major. Finally, I took another test on the next following year and now I’m in batch 2014. The conclusion is, I am a year (and even more) older than my friends in a class.

From that conversation, I found out that Devi (in batch 2013) is 18, and Mercy (also in batch 2013) is 21. And don’t forget about me (currently batch 2014, but now I’m 19). This is one of the differences you can find about school and college. There will be various of age you find in the university. And you will find it more various in a workplace or in another community.

It is beneficial to have age variation in your community. You will learn how age can effect someone’s behavior. Besides, this kind of phenomenon can teach you how to deal with people and know where to put yourself. You may have a close relationship with older friends, but don’t forget that you have to be respectful as well. 

Wait, that is not the one that I want to discuss about. So let’s get going.

After the conversation, I come up with another conclusion.

“Steven Abraham, you are about to end your teenagers, and a month from now, you are twenties.”

And my mind be like, “no no no, not so fast. Why it is so fast? I can’t imagine what life I will have when I reach my 20s. Am I going to get married in my 20s? Can’t figure it out yet because I don’t even have a girlfriend (please anyone, help me, be my wingman or promote me to your friend).” *desperate mode on*

Being 20s means you have to be more serious with your life. Pursue your career, read a lot, dig a lot of knowledge from your major, learn and master languages, make a large social networks, and etc. From now on, you have to think about what do you want to achieve in the future. How you deal with obstacles and what are the strategies to achieve your career. Moreover, you have to be selective with your activities. There will be lots of activities that you may choose, like joining organization, seminars, sports club, language course, part-time job, etc. As a suggestion, please pick activities which support your career. Keep it in mind that this activities can be your asset for your future, because those activites will give you experiences (just like gaming). Those experiences will open your mind about what will you face in the future, what you have to learn or do. It is like using your activities as a trigger.

Actually, you don’t have to afraid to be older. You may afraid because you can’t be playful like before. But man, wake up! The world needs us, each of us are the iron stock. The old generation will die. Are we ready to replace them and make world to be a better place? We have to prove that our generation is better. 

In order to do so, there are 2 keys that you have to keep, willing to learn and hard work. It is time to change your perspective. You are not a child anymore, so do not act as one of them! It is the right time for you not to be playful anymore. You may miss being playful (sometimes I did), but you have to keep your vision. Remember,  

bright future awaits someone who are willing to be serious in his/her life.

At last, you don’t have to take this as a burden. You still can hangout in weekends by the way, hahaha. I just want to open your mind to see this 20s as a stepping stone for our future. Do not waste your youth. Cause there are many older people who regret for not having a good preparation in their youth. I hope you are not the one who regret it also in the future. Be ready and suit up! 

Balada Sewa Mobil - Perfect Runaway part.1

Halo bro and sis! Seneng banget malem Sabtu ini gue berhasil melepaskan segala kepenatan, kejenuhan, ke-hectic-an yang melanda disaat weekdays..

Emang abis ngapain bro?

“Bro, btw kok penat sih? Kaya toilet aja bisa penat.”

“Woi, itu mampet bukan penat” #jayus #abaikan

Jadi hari ini gue abis main bareng komsel. Singkatnya, komsel (komunitas sel) itu komunitas kecil gereja yang berfungsi untuk saling menguatkan. Yay! Berikut kronologinya.

Waktu jumat sore, setelah gue menerima 8 SKS (5 SKS HARI JUMAT + 3 SKS PENGGANTI), gue janjian sama Yana (cowo gaul dari Jakarta) untuk nyewa mobil. Awalnya gue bingung, ini penyewaan mobil tuh di daerah Malioboro (selatan) dan posisi gue adalah di jalan Kaliurang (utara). Intinya adalah gue harus membelah kota Jogja dari utara ke selatan. Akhirnya ya dijabanin juga, lah wong wes boking (baca : boking). Yakali bilang gini :

“Ah gak jadi mas, aku bete. Kenapa sih kamu jauh banget? Walaupun kita memandang langit yang sama, aku tetep gak terima. Aku mager mas, hayati lelah! *kibas poni ke belakang*

Okay, cukup dramanya. 

Setelah menempuh perjalanan selama 30 menit dengan Suzuki Satria FU punya Yana, akhirnya sampe juga di tempat rental. Kita ketemu seorang Bapak sekitar umur 30 tahunan dan bilang kalau kita mau ambil mobil dan kita udah boking (baca : boking). Setelah dibuat nota, maka KTM (Kartu Tanda Mahasiswa) dan KTP (Yakeles masa kaga ngerti arti KTP) kita berdua ditahan sebagai jaminan. Masalahnya, sampai saat ini gue belom sempet ngambil KTM UGM gue di Direktorat Akademik. Wah gimana nih? Akhirnya setelah berpikir selama sepersekian detik, gue pun langsung mengeluarkan KTM gue tahun lalu yang di UI. Si mas awalnya bingung tapi setelah melihat tampilan KTM yang meyakinkan, akhirnya dia ambil juga. 

Ternyata, masa lalu juga masih bisa memberikan keuntungan pada saat ini. Coba aja kalau gue move on dan gue buang semua barang dan kenangan gue tentang UI, pasti gue gak akan boleh minjem mobil saat ini. Kalau begitu, apa gue juga perlu berterima kasih sama mantan – mantan gue karena gue bisa menjadi gue saat ini? #TerimaKasihMantanUntukSegalanya

Setelah ngasih KTM dan KTP, dia mulai nanya-nanya banyak hal.

“Mas, pinjemnya 24 jam ya?”

“Iya”

“Mas mau ke mana memangnya?”

 “Bukit Bintang mas, di jalan Wonosari”

“Ohh, iya iya. Ngomong-ngomong ini siapa ya yang bakal nyetir nanti?”

“Saya Pak, Steven”

“Bisa lihat SIM A punya mas?”

“Oh, oke2”

“Ini kok alamat di SIM dan di KTP bisa beda?”

*keluarin KTP yang lama* “Jadi gini pak, saya itu pindah rumah setelah SIM saya jadi, makanya alamat di KTP dan SIM bisa beda.”

*kelopak mata mengecil* *mencoba fokus* “Oh iya kalau ini alamatnya sama, mas."

Gue bingung kenapa si mas bisa mendadak posesif? Mungkin karena dia sering liat gue barengan sama mantan gue (baca : KTM UI), walaupun hanya dekat sebatas dompet. Karena sering barengan, si Mas akhirnya mulai berasumsi kalau gue balikan lagi sama dia. Karena dia takut kehilangan gue, makanya dia berusaha mengintrogasi gue. Akhirnya gue berusaha meyakinkan beliau, menjelaskan berbagai hal dengan detail, dan untunglah dia bisa mengerti.

Gue pikir, pengalaman gue sama si Mas perlu dicontoh bagi pasangan di dunia. Dimana ada ketidakjelasan atau rasa yang terpendam di dalam hubungan kamu, jangan dibiarkan. Justru omongin baik – baik. Toh aku aja yang baru hari ini kenal sama si Mas bisa ngomong baik – baik dan ketemu solusinya, gue percaya kalian juga bisa. Berjuanglah couple di seluruh dunia! Tertanda, orang jomblo.

Positive thinking is a result, not a way!

Cerita ini dimulai ketika gue baru terbangun jam 23.00. Gue nerima misscall dari nyokap. Setelah gue telepon balik, ternyata gue baru tahu kalau bokap gue masuk rumah sakit karena sejak pagi dadanya sakit, tapi dia tetep tahan. Sampai waktu sore, dia ngomong ke temen kerjanya kalau dia udah gak kuat, akhirnya dibawa ke Rumah Sakit Borromeus. 

Sejujurnya, waktu nerima telepon itu, sebagai manusia, mulai muncul berbagai asumsi di pikiran gue. “Wah, gimana kalau ini? Gimana kalau itu? Gimana gimana dan gimana?” Mungkin orang anggap asumsi itu wajar, karena

1. Dia bokap gue, dan kondisinya gue anak pertama, masih kuliah & belom kerja

2. Gue di Jogja, keluarga di Bandung

Sampai lebih parahnya gue sempet mikir, gimana kalau sampai bokap gue meninggal? Siapa yang biayain gue kuliah? Apa gue harus lepas kuliah dan kerja?

Sebenarnya minggu ini gue sedang belajar untuk gak membuat asumsi dan gak hidup di dalam asumsi semenjak ada kotbah di gereja yang bahas tentang ini.

Sebelumnya, sebenarnya apa sih arti asumsi? Ada 2 arti asumsi :

1. Idea that is formed without evidence

2. Accepting an idea as reality without thorough examination

Teman – teman, asumsi adalah salah satu musuh manusia terbesar, termasuk gue. Manusia seringkali memikirkan kemungkinan terburuk yang padahal belum tentu terjadi. Gue bersyukur karena hari ini gue diberikan ujian tentang asumsi.

Apakah asumsi itu bahaya? Ya, dan sangat ya!

“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.” – Proverbs 4:23 (GNT)

Ternyata inilah yang menyebabkan manusia harus berpikir positif, karena pikiran dapat membentuk hidup seseorang. 

Memang asumsi bakal datang setiap saat, terutama di saat masalah muncul. Tetapi kita yang berhak memutuskan apakah kita ingin hidup di dalam asumsi ataukah kita mau melepaskan asumsi tersebut. Lalu, bagaimana cara kita mengalihkan pikiran kita agar terlepas dari asumsi tersebut?

Ingatlah bahwa BERPIKIR POSITIF adalah sebuah HASIL, bukan CARA. Banyak orang berusaha untuk berpikir positif, tetapi tanpa dasar yang jelas. Mereka berpikir bahwa dengan berpikir positif, manusia dapat bebas dari asumsi. “Pokoknya apapun yang terjadi, gue tetap berpikir positif!”. Akhirnya mulai muncul quote-quote tentang berpikir positif yang berbasis kekuatan manusia. Positive thinking is a way to achieve success, they said. Sekuat – kuatnya manusia berusaha, akhirnya jatuh juga.  Sekali lagi, pikiran positif bukanlah suatu cara.

So, apa lagi caranya? 

Manusia gak bisa hidup sendiri, bos. Manusia butuh Tuhan. Sekuat – kuatnya manusia berusaha, pasti jatuh juga. Cara untuk berasumsi sebenarnya simple, cukup dengan beriman.

“Iman adalah dasar dari segala sesuatu yang kita harapkan dan bukti dari segala sesuatu yang tidak kita lihat.” – Ibrani 11:1

Kalau disimpulkan menurut versi gue, beriman berarti berharap kepada Tuhan. Mengharapkan sesuatu yang baik, yang sebenarnya gak kita lihat, tapi kita percaya hal itu akan terjadi kepada hidup kita, tergantung waktu-Nya. Yang kita butuhkan hanya percaya, that’s it! Kita gak perlu memikirkan gimana cara-Nya Tuhan untuk melakukan hal itu semua, kita gak perlu sok kuat dengan berusaha sendiri, cukup percaya saja.

Hari ini gue percaya kalau Tuhan pasti menyembuhkan bokap gue. Mungkin saat ini gue lihat bokap gue di rumah sakit, tapi gue percaya kalau dia bisa beraktivitas lagi. Gue percaya bahwa pengharapan akan Tuhan itu GAK SIA – SIA. Dan apapun yang terjadi, jika masalah yang lebih buruk mungkin datang. Gue gak akan takut dan cemas, karena gue masih punya Tuhan. Gue percaya masih ada mujizat-Nya yang tak terbatas! Yang perlu gue lakukan adalah berserah dan percaya!

Bagaimana dengan kamu? Apa kamu punya masalah lain? Ayo kita mau belajar sama – sama untuk hidup di dalam iman. Ingatlah satu hal, POSITIVE THINKING IS A RESULT, NOT A WAY!