What do you want to do when you’re given a chance to turn
back the time? Well, me, I want to tell the recently-graduated-from-highschool
me to believe in yourself (which is myself) and to enjoy life. Why do I think
those message is important for me? I’ll tell you why.
If you ever know me in real life, you can see that I am not
so sociable. Yes, sometimes I enjoy the time talking with people, especially
when we both have common interest. But I can’t stand talking with people for a
long time. And why is that? Because I don’t have such curiousity as many people
have. If there is no topics and the conversation went dry, I stopped it
rightaway. That’s why I am more like a direct people rather than indirect, I
mean if there’s nothing to talk about, I’ll just smile, greet, and walk away.
At least I still show politeness to them and I value politeness more.
Moreover, I don’t usually hanging around with friends. Well,
as if there are friends with me now, lol kidding. I have friends, but there is
no one that I can nominate as “bestfriend” here in college. Maybe because I
came from West Java and here I don’t have any friends in my major who came from
the same highschool, junior as well as senior. And I find it hard to comunicate
with Javanese Language. I can understand the meaning, but I can’t reply them by
following their accent.
I can’t feel the impact of being unsociable in weekdays or
when I’m in Bandung. But in weekends, you can see me isolating myself in my
room, keeping myself to be busy with laptop, playing games, watching downloaded
movies, listening to music, doing sport streaming, or looking at social media. I
do it so that I can forget the idea of being lonely.
Slowly, I began to lose my confidence in talking to people.
I find myself awkward in front of people and I can’t help myself. I repeatedly
thinking is it right to say A or B or should I talk about C instead? Oh God I
hate that moment so much.
I often envy with those who has sidekick or hangout friends
and often post photos of their activities like going to the beach, hiking
till the top of the mountain, or showing their foods in the famous restaurant
in town. Why don’t I have such friends? Or is it because of myself who acted
cold so that nobody dares to take me? Do I miss so many chances to have bestie?
There are others reasons though, but I think it’s enough to
write for today. Because currently I’m in the middle of exams week and I messed
up a lot in the previous week, so I’ll use this weekend to study (wow what a
nice excuses I have there). But really, I want to study, believe me guys. So,
see you soon!
